Saturday, October 24, 2015

The day momma lost her mind

Kids,
     I'm going to talk like an old person for a minute, by the time you guys read this I probably am one. But for now I'm a spry 35. I am in that strange generation that remembers life with no internet. We had a computer that sat in our hall that was used solely for playing solitaire and learning how to type using Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. By now of course you are hard pressed to find anyone without a Iphone and a facebook account (including me). And most people blog or have had blogs (including me... obvs).

This blog started soon after we were able to adopt Gianna and Audrey. It was a way to keep lots of people informed easily. Then it morphed into just a place to dump sweet memories. Then I posted about a secret tip I had learned while working in the PICU that helped babies sleep better. Well that blog got pinned to pinterest and all of a sudden I had 124k visits to my site in ONE DAY!!! I had comments (good and bad) and emails (I still get them 5 years later!!) loving and hating that one post. All of the sudden the thing that had been a safe place for me to share memories became emotionally draining. I would sit and stare at a blank screen thinking of the incredibly wide audience that could possibly read it and I went blank. I had nothing to say to them. So I stopped writing.

     But YOU! I have so much to say to you guys! I have tried to write them down in your individual journals but often I want to talk to 2 or 3 of you at a time and ain't nobody got time for writing the same thing 3 times!!! So I've been thinking of writing again. Here. Just for you. (And whoever still subscribes to this blog that has sat stagnant for a year and a half)

     Here's the deal though. I guarantee that there will be very long pauses between writing. I will miss writing to you on your birthday occasionally. I will write to one kid more than the others for a season. These posts won't look like the popular posts of today. The ones that I love because they look so beautiful and calm and serene and quiet... Nope real pictures of our real day in our real messy house with your real hair that you haven't brushed and it's 5:30 pm.

     So to start us off. This is the picture that sums up today.


This is what our van looked like today. I remember the first time I ever saw the gas light on. It said "50 miles to E" and I laughed hysterically!! 50 miles?!!!! That was practically a full tank back in my college years! But today I almost coasted into the gas station. It should've also read 5 more hours before mom's head explodes. Apparently my tank was on E too. I sent you guys to bed feeling beat down and like you couldn't possibly do or be good enough. I made you feel terrible and like a burden. Which kills me! You are truly my hearts delight. I pray tonight as you lay down, first for amnesia and second for my weakness to point all the more to how perfect and strong our God is. He never gets weary, or burdened or anxious, or stressed about messy rooms. He delights in you fully, without all the distractions of the world around. Man I wish I was more like Him! And I hope you know Him! Like really know Him. I hope and pray and trust that my sinfulness hasn't turned you away from Him but instead has sent you running toward Him.
Love you guys!
Mommy


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