Thursday, August 9, 2012

The struggle for balance

I have just come out of an amazing summer!
Jim and I spent a ton of time together after years of missing each other entirely.
For the first time in about 9 years I am not pregnant or nursing so I have started running to try to take better care of my self.
I was having such a good time!


Then about 3 weeks ago a funk fell over me.
I couldn't figure out what it was.
Lack of motivation,
which led to guilt,
which led to feelings of shame...

Talking to a friend last night I told her,
"Nothing seems clear.  It's like a fog has clouded my thoughts.
Things that seemed crystal clear now seem so mucky."

I decided to start school next week so today I hauled all the kids to Bible study with me.
Right there, sitting in the same room I was first introduced to my curly girls, conviction fell over me like a rock.  

I have totally missed God.

Yes, I still pray.
Yes, I still look up scripture here and there.
But no longer am I sitting down expecting him to meet with me.

I am spending my evenings with Jim and my mornings running and I'm trying to fit God in the spare time.  (ya'll know good and well there is no spare time in this house)

I am spiritually dry!
Sitting in that room today, hearing Jennifer teach;
was like a cold glass of water to a dry and dying soul.

So here's to quite mornings and earlier wake ups...
and a Father that doesn't let me get comfortable out of His will.

"Draw near to God and He will come near to you."
James 4:8


And a big thank you for all the encouraging emails from my last post.
You will never really know how much I appreciate them all!