Saturday, April 14, 2012

my hearts desire




About 4 years ago I sat in a pew at our church and God started stirring something in my heart.  A deep longing for something.  I was enjoying being a mom and wife but yearned for more.  I remember silently whispering...God use me for something...something big.  At that moment I surrendered everything.  What followed was 3 years of horrible heartache and exhilarating joy!  I tasted something in those years...  Something new to me.  I was no longer on the sidelines watching what God was doing in the lives of others.  I was in the game!
     Now I sit here feeling like a 3 year old who has just been completely spoiled by her Daddy.  He has given me all my hearts deepest desires and more.  And I hear Him whisper to me..."are you going to be ready to give it all up?"  "When I call you to the mission field, will you gladly walk away from your comfortable house?"  And somehow it seems easier to say "yes."  Because I've tasted joy in the hard times.  And I know the very moment I give up what I have been desperately clinging to THAT is the moment He fills me to the brim with all that my heart truly aches for.
     Oh that my children will know Him this way!!  I pray that you never live a life on the sidelines.  Don't settle for comfortable Christianity!  The joy is abounding in the hard places.  He is waiting to thrill you, to amaze you!  He will fill you with such passion that you are sure you will burst in a  million pieces.  And cause your heart to ache and moan for a world that doesn't know Him yet.  If I don't get anything else right.  If I fail at every thing else...I pray and plead that you will know the God that loved you at your very worst!!!

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