Monday, February 6, 2012

ready to run

(me at 2.  When polyester pants were cool and it was OK to pout)

There are today.  When the weight of all the responsibilities lay a little too heavy on my shoulders.  Days when I wonder when the last time was that I did something completely irresponsible?!  And then my mind wanders to Jim coming through the door and me jumping in the 15 passenger van, putting the pedal to the floor and getting out of here.  Days when I desperately want to quit!!!  Let the laundry pile up; the dishes sit on the table or wherever they land; the boxes remain unpacked, the arguments resolve themselves.  It's not that I have somewhere else I want to be.  Its not that I have something else I'd rather do.

It's usually about now that I just want someone to see me.  I want to stand on the time out stool in the middle of the living room with my mom hair, my baggy eyes, my shirt covered in spit up and yell. "DOES ANYONE SEE ME!?"  Is there anything left of me...

     And I would continue to stew in a pile of self pity if someone...(Barbara Davidson)...hadn't made me memorize the Bible.  Because no matter how badly I want to sulk (and I want to sulk so so badly!) I hear...

 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."  Colossians 3:23

Uggggggg!!!!!!!!  I don't want to work as unto the Lord!!!!!

Then I think.  "If I have to stay and work I'm at least going to call my friend and complain about it!"  Then I hear...

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Ephesians 4:29

In which I spend a whole lot of time silent!

Why is it so hard to do what is right? 
 You know it is good for you, that there is more joy in it?  
Why do we fight it so hard?  

...and why am I suddenly feeling more like the child than the parent?

1 comment:

Kim said...

Thanks for your honesty. We can all relate to days like these. I love that you respond with Scripture. My response is usually of an uglier nature. I definitely need to work on that.