Tuesday, December 13, 2011

"DADDY! Mommy's writing on the wall again!"

This week has been less than joyful joyful.
Gianna is stuck!
She is mad. She is scared.

This is a picture Emma drew tonight as Gianna was in a fit of rage.
When G first came here at 2 and started having fits, I would tell her
"this is a peaceful place. If you want to throw a fit go into Grandma's room."
Grandma's room is our spare bedroom right off the kitchen.
If she continued to yell and scream I'd ask her to shut the door.
She would (shockingly) and then she would bang the door with her feet and throw things at it. So, after almost 3 years of this, the door looks like the inside of a barn door. Busted up!
(just like the picture above).

G does this because she gets triggered by something from her past.
It could have been the anniversary of when she removed,
or her birthday, or seeing her bio brothers.
It could have been a smell, a song, the weather.
Whatever the case it makes her feel completely and totally unworthy,
unloved and shameful.
And so she pushes us away with all her might.
She throws the ugliest words at us that she can come up with.
Some days just the sight of me makes her rage.
It's hard.
Hard on her.
Hard on me.
Hard on her brothers and sisters.

So we got creative...

We left her love notes she can't destroy...

I wrote truth all over her wall for her to sleep under.

The kids drew her pictures, and signed their name.
Thankful to have something to do to help her.

When she first saw it she was kind of mad.
She didn't know what to do with all the attention.
She couldn't receive it...but you could tell she loved it.
Since then she has shown some friends and had me read to her every night.

And so know one felt left out.

I wrote on Audrey's...


(Caleb added to it later)


There was a time I didn't even want to paint the walls because I wanted the house to be ready for resale. Hahahahahah!!!
And I heard my own voice echo in my head
"people are more important than things!"
Time to live out the lesson I teach the kids.
There is no "thing" that we have that is more important than them.
So bring on the sharpies!!!

"Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes.
Your gold and silver are corroded..."
James 5:2 & 3

1 comment:

Liz Howard said...

Wow, Beth, this moved me to tears. You are a amazing woman, a incredible mother, and faithful daughter! The light of the Lord shines through you with unfailing brilliance!