(my little G about 6 months ago after a rage at church
and telling me in detail what she would do to me if she could)
What I'd like to tell someone who just woke up and realized they are riding the RAD train...
1. This is going to suck for a long while...it's not the fairy tale you were hoping for...it's OK for you to mourn that!
2. Your child is going to attack everything you love and cherish...your spouse, your kids, your white carpet...
3. Your child was NOT born to be this way! This is not just their personality! They are desperately, completely hurt! Broken people...break all your things...I mean do broken things.
4. Be overly cautious!!!! Protect the other kids in your house ferociously!!!! By doing this you will also be protecting your hurt child from more shame!
5. Learn to laugh, and sing strange songs, and act a fool!
6. Decide to love your child regardless if they ever return your love!
7. Don't beat yourself up if #6 is the most difficult thing you've ever done. It's OK for love to be a decision and not an emotion right now- I promise!
8. Hide all your valuables.
9. Try to get over the need for approval from other people. If you parent this child correctly you will NOT be showered with praise...people don't understand! That's OK you didn't either before you woke up on this train!
10. If at all possible train someone outside of the family to take care of your child (therapeutically) to give you a break!
11. Know that there may come a day that you can't keep your hurt child safe in your home...pray against this but don't be naive to it!
12. If you don't know Jesus this would be a real good time to get acquainted:)
13. Know that you are not alone! Many people are struggling right now with the same issues you are!!! Send me an email if you need to meet some!
My little G last week! Healing! It is still hard sometimes, the depth of her hurt and anger still shows up at times and scares me! But it is few and far between now. And there is peace in our home. And I know she feels safe and knows that she is loved...we are 2 years into therapeutic parenting and she is almost 3 years from when she was removed from her first mom...she was 22 months when removed. This stuff takes time!