Sunday, May 22, 2011

The healing of a broken little girl

(I want you guys to know I never ever put anything on here to shame or embarrass any of my children. I put things on here to offer hope to the parent that feels like they are drowning in a sea of trauma and darkness. I remember feeling as if I had no options. I was willing to do any work but I had no idea where to start...there is hope!)

Today G had a hard time at church. She has been coming to Sunday School and church with us for at least 6 weeks now. This is not punishment. We are simply not putting her in a situation she will fail in. And where she will form false bonds with strangers when her bond with us is shaky at best. The last 3 weeks she has done great! Today she had a bit of a hard time. You never know why or what sets her off. But she was set off. She screamed, she spit, she called me names. We ended up in the van, where we have been many many many times before! But this time was a little different. She didn't have as much ferociousness in her as before. And instead of her rage lasting 2 hours it lasted 15 min! And she was able to talk with me about it a little (see video below). Thank God for little signs of healing!

(doesn't it look like she's saying "hey mom, eat crap and die!")

I feel like we are still in the wooing stage with G. We are offering her love, but it is a gift... we can't force her to accept it. Our love isn't dependent on her receiving it, she could reject it her whole life but it will be open to her forever! As a Christian I can't help but see the image of Jesus in this (although this image is flawed). He loves us forever, regardless of our behavior or if we ever chose to return His love or not.

Here she is strong sitting. It is a wonderful tool I wish I had known about it 2 years ago. I have taught all my kids to do it and they all enjoy it. Here is a video explaining how to do it. Here is a link explaining the therapeutic side a little more.

Here we are minutes after she called me every name in her 4 year old book, spit at me and tried to bite me. You know what's just as amazing as her smile...mine! It has taken me a long time not to be bitter toward being yelled at for another woman's sins.

One more thing. there are some of you who will read this and think I am some amazing mom. I am not! Let me tell you about my morning. I woke up late and in a bad mood. I spent the morning barking orders and being short with the kids. I made really big deals out of NOTHING!!! I'm not a yeller. I use sarcasm and a sharp tongue. The worst part? The kids were so well behaved! They had done nothing wrong!!! I apologized to them before we went to church but I felt like such a fake as people would look at us and say in that sing song churchy voice "how are you?" I wanted to tell them the truth!! "TERRIBLE! I just spent the first 2 hours of my kids day treating them like dirt!" But no one wants to hear that, so I just smiled. The funny thing is after G and I were out in the van for a while, we walked in and someone asked how we were and I could honestly say "We are doing great!"

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