Saturday, October 24, 2015

The day momma lost her mind

     I'm going to talk like an old person for a minute, by the time you guys read this I probably am one. But for now I'm a spry 35. I am in that strange generation that remembers life with no internet. We had a computer that sat in our hall that was used solely for playing solitaire and learning how to type using Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. By now of course you are hard pressed to find anyone without a Iphone and a facebook account (including me). And most people blog or have had blogs (including me... obvs).

This blog started soon after we were able to adopt Gianna and Audrey. It was a way to keep lots of people informed easily. Then it morphed into just a place to dump sweet memories. Then I posted about a secret tip I had learned while working in the PICU that helped babies sleep better. Well that blog got pinned to pinterest and all of a sudden I had 124k visits to my site in ONE DAY!!! I had comments (good and bad) and emails (I still get them 5 years later!!) loving and hating that one post. All of the sudden the thing that had been a safe place for me to share memories became emotionally draining. I would sit and stare at a blank screen thinking of the incredibly wide audience that could possibly read it and I went blank. I had nothing to say to them. So I stopped writing.

     But YOU! I have so much to say to you guys! I have tried to write them down in your individual journals but often I want to talk to 2 or 3 of you at a time and ain't nobody got time for writing the same thing 3 times!!! So I've been thinking of writing again. Here. Just for you. (And whoever still subscribes to this blog that has sat stagnant for a year and a half)

     Here's the deal though. I guarantee that there will be very long pauses between writing. I will miss writing to you on your birthday occasionally. I will write to one kid more than the others for a season. These posts won't look like the popular posts of today. The ones that I love because they look so beautiful and calm and serene and quiet... Nope real pictures of our real day in our real messy house with your real hair that you haven't brushed and it's 5:30 pm.

     So to start us off. This is the picture that sums up today.

This is what our van looked like today. I remember the first time I ever saw the gas light on. It said "50 miles to E" and I laughed hysterically!! 50 miles?!!!! That was practically a full tank back in my college years! But today I almost coasted into the gas station. It should've also read 5 more hours before mom's head explodes. Apparently my tank was on E too. I sent you guys to bed feeling beat down and like you couldn't possibly do or be good enough. I made you feel terrible and like a burden. Which kills me! You are truly my hearts delight. I pray tonight as you lay down, first for amnesia and second for my weakness to point all the more to how perfect and strong our God is. He never gets weary, or burdened or anxious, or stressed about messy rooms. He delights in you fully, without all the distractions of the world around. Man I wish I was more like Him! And I hope you know Him! Like really know Him. I hope and pray and trust that my sinfulness hasn't turned you away from Him but instead has sent you running toward Him.
Love you guys!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

1st day June- a day full of Audg

Our first day of June was filled with cute kids and fancy clothes.
Audrey got to go model clothes for the Spring 2014 Mustard Pie clothing shoot.
It was an experience!
I met lots of sweet kids and a few very interesting Moms:)
The only ones that worked harder than those kids were Jennie Helmuth and Missy.
I felt like I should go feed them grapes and fan their head!
We couldn't take any pictures while we were there, and since we were there most of the day this will be a short post:)


I got to hang out with this awesome woman!

 And got to celebrate 11 years with this guy!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Week #9

I wish I could do all the really cute pinterest pregnancy shots I'm seeing.
So cute.
But instead you will probably have to settle for my really bad selfies.
This week I am 9 weeks (and look like I'm about 16 weeks).
I have actually made it through the day without taking a nap at least once this week.
I planned meals for the first time since I found out I am pregnant.
(only one actually got cooked but you gotta start somewhere!)
I have had a total unsatisfiable craving for these oatmeal pancakes!
I am a little nauseous at times but usually if I eat something I am fine.
Unless I'm on the swing with the kids...
just thinking about that made me gag a little right now.
Clothes are getting tight but I am determined to hold out a little longer before breaking out the elastic waistbands!

And for all of you (my family) interested in the details.
I flip into the next week on Fridays, so today I'm 10 weeks.
We went to the doctor last week.
Baby looks good, heart beating, baby is in the right place, only one...
He put me on a baby aspirin every day in hopes to help with  my preeclampsia later on.
I go back Monday June 24th

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Sweet baby #8,

 (that blob is you!)

Hi little one.  Well you surprised me.  I know it's not like I don't know how these things happen.  But you were a shock.  A fantastic, wonderful shock!  You see your brothers and sisters have been asking for you for months.  Asher is now 20 months old, and around here someone new shows up about every 18 months.  We were long overdue in their eyes.  I just told them to pray about it.  That God knows what we need (and what I can handle, I would think to myself).  Well, they must have some pretty strong prayers.  In fact after we told them you were on the way Caleb started asking for "twins or threes"  (I asked him not to pray for that:)
       So a lot of people will feel sorry for you being the youngest of 8 and all.  But I'm sure if you are reading this you find that as funny as I do.  True there is a downside to being the youngest in a big family.  Your sheets won't be clean very often.  There will be days we won't remember the last time we cleaned you!  You won't be able to have any personal space what-so-ever (thanks to your smothering siblings).
      But there are so many wonderful things about being the youngest!  You will never ever want for ANYTHING!  Your siblings will spoil you rotten.  You won't have to walk until you are 2, you will be carried everywhere.  You get much more experienced parents who won't make you cry it out a full 45 min, make you sit on the potty at 16 months, and run in horror when you throw a temper tantrum at the grocery store (those things may or may not have actually happened, and probably all to Caleb).  You will have the largest cheering squad around and the loudest, largest birthday parties ever.
      So just in case you ever wondered, we are just as excited, just as hopeful and just as thrilled as we were for every single child we have ever been blessed enough to receive.  Can't wait to see you in December!

8 weeks

Friday, April 26, 2013

Permission to not to

I did something last week that made me a little sick to my stomach.
I signed Caleb up for tackle football.
It doesn't make me queasy for the normal reason:
not wanting to see your first born get pummeled by a bunch of bigger boys.
I figure it can't be any worst than what he gets here when his sibling pile on him.
And at least there he gets pads and a helmet and permission to hit back!

I got queasy because football around here takes up a lot of time.
3 practices a week and a game on the weekend!
I have protected our family time with my life.
1. Because I am the only one available all of the time.
2. Because I like having meals together as a family.
3. Because I think kids can get more from tossing a football outside with their Daddy.
4. Because I like order and nothing about having 3 football practices a week plus gymnastics sounds like order!

But I'm trying to balance all of that with the knowledge that our kids need something that is just their own.  They need to see that they have gifts and talents that their siblings don't have.
They are unique.
I also see it as a ministry opportunity.
We get to know the people in our community and find out what we can do to help.

And the kids each have a turn cheering and being cheered for.
A lesson in selflessness. 

With all that being said I want to give a huge shout out to all those mommas out there doing things a bit differently and not signing up their 8 year old for tackle football.
Or their 3 year old for tball.
Or their 7 month old for gymnastics.
The ones that have taken a stand and are defending their family time.
Because sometimes we need permission to not to.

(Caleb's football Halloween costume when he was 22 months)

Monday, April 22, 2013

The Lord that delights in me

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, 
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, 
he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand."
Psalm 37:23-24

Lord, You saw me; chained by my sin.  
Doomed for eternity.
You left the comforts of Heaven...all the praise...all the worship...all the beauty.
 And you came to me.

I've refused You.
I've mocked You.
I've asked You to prove Your love for me.
I've surrendered all to You.  Only to change my mind when I caught a glimpse of what "all" really was.
I've turned away from You and questioned Your goodness.

And You, knowing all of this; still came to me.
You saw me refuse You and felt the sting of my words and You waited.
You whispered tenderly.
You pursued me passionately.

When my sin turned to shame You called me; "Beautiful" "Blameless" and "righteous."

Who are You Lord?!
How can You love like that?!

How do you take such delight in Your broken children?

You see me, not as who I am, but as who You are shaping me to be.

Like a loving parent restrains his child from running into the road, You forcefully save me from what my flesh burns within me to do.

There is no one on Earth like You!
I adore You for Your compassion on my wicked, broken soul.  And for Your gentle Hand breaking off my rough edges and making me beautiful.

This post is born out of pain and doubt and guilt.  A wrestling with the God I am learning to adore.  For more on learning to look up and adore check out this blog:

BWS tips button

Friday, March 29, 2013

Things that lighten the load...

 G bugs CRAZY face...

Homemade pirate ships...

Sethy's great big belly laugh...

Paper airplane love notes...

 Ninja boys getting their "hairs" cut...

 Sweets from our sweet Emma...

And a whole lot of Duck Dynasty...
Duck Dynasty - Uncle Si

A few days ago we got news that was like a punch in the gut.
Today I have realized that at some point you need to breath again.
At some point you have to make a decision to get up and take a step and do the next right thing.

Sometimes you must do what's right, before it actually feels right.
So today I joined the land of the living.
And realized there is a lot to be thankful for.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.   We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body..."
2Corinthians 4:8-10